my sweet garden

This has been an amazing day. I spent much of it by the pool with two wonderful friends, who,much to my hearts dismay, will be leaving me for greener pastures very soon. Until then,I plan to soak up their lovliness as much as possible! I also worked on my teeny urban garden, a collection of flowers and awkward looking plant life confined to terra cotta, all in the name of my personal satisfaction.

The truth is, the garden is my reward, to myself, for a very private goal met some time ago. I told myself if I accomplished this I could have my sweet little flowers. Still, I found myself justifying my splurge with every scoop of dirt. You did this, you deserve this, you had a gift card, its okay..but....blah,blah,blah. I couldn't accept today that I did nothing to either deserve or not deserve my own little garden. I enjoy the flowers, the dirt, the challenge of not killing them, the tiny white lights and candles that I scatter and light at night. Its perfection. I've had the best conversations out here, the best kisses, I've laughed and shared a million stories out here. All that, and still, I have to "earn" what I love...or at least in my mind I do. I wonder though, what might happen, what might change in me (us) if our loving kindess was only as good as that which graciously show ourselves. In a lifetime smattered with lessons of grace, why do we hesitate to give ourselves that same kindness. Look, I'm no angel. I have a dirty mind, I say fuck a lot...no a LOT, I have road rage...the list could go on but for now I'm going to indulge in my 6'x10' corner of heaven..right after I get myself some ice cream.