full circle

So I have a date. He is 40.4-0. Forty. Lordy,lordy look who's forty classifieds 40. Sweet mother of moses when did I become old enough to date people as old as teachers and parents. 40. I'm 31 which is like 23 but smarter and with cheaper car insurance. Fuck,I think about insurance and I am going on a date with someone who is 40.

When I was 22 I was something of a fabulous trainwreck. Young with good hair and potential. My life was something of an open ended question that I could answer however the hell I wanted to. It was a good spot to be in. Let me make this very clear, its safe to say that from 18-22ish I had no idea how good I had it. I just wanted whatever was next. My grandma used to warn me not to wish my life away.

For a little while,at 22, I dated a 31 year old man. Let me paint a picture of my 22 year old day dreams.
I bet he has wrinkly old balls.
Ill probably have to start eating dinner at 4.
This is embarassing. 31. People will ask if he is my dad.
Are those coaches shorts? Maybe he IS my dad.
Please, for the love of all things sporty, just bend the bill of your hat. YOU LOOK LIKE MY DAD!
Did you just refer to me as a kid?
I can't do this.
I can't date a man with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Think of all the years I will spend alone. After all, I am 22 and fabulous and he is beating down death's door. He is 31, the new 84.

He had cars or socks or underpants older than me and this was no way to love. Imagine my shock,surprise, and dismay when I realized I was 31. There is turning 31 (or whatever age scares you) and then there is realizing you are 31. Sobering I guess. So to you, my dear friend, who was 31 and isn't anymore... I HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS. I HOPE IF YOU CAN'T, SOMEONE IN THE NURSING HOME IS READING REALLY LOUDLY FOR YOU. I hope your balls don't knock against your boney knees and that here isn't tumbleweeds of grey hair protruding from your giant old man ears. Thank you for paving the way to 31 for the rest of us. I hope 40 is treating you well. Wait. 40?! Shit.